Nyo and Welcome to the Studio Ramen Blog, The works cooked up here are intended for the mature and is meant strictly for entertainment, so enjoy, be respectful and ifin ya need to get in contact with me, I'm not a hard cat to get in touch with >n.n<. much love ~Noodles
Ahooooy~♪ Kizuna 1 has gone up in the doujin section of the main site. This is a project I dedicate to my good friend Angemille. Enjoy everyone. more to come soon.
Noodles
Obviously that's why I mostly visit, however, giving your doujin a read... Not that I'm a real expert or anything, but I hope you don't mind some constructive criticism...
1.) Art style is decent, simple and gets the point across, but overall the sex scenes didn't really pop a boner for me.... And I think a big part of that is the art style. The art style you're using is great for doing emotions and telling a basic story... but for the sex scenes, it didn't do much for me.
But it depends on what your focus is... Art wise, if your focus is the story, it's fine. If your focus though is creating erotic, sexually stimulating scenes... the art isn't carrying that. However, as for the story...
2.) Dialogue/Story: I couldn't help but feel that the story and dialogue is rushed. The Dialogue is very simplistic, none of it really comes out and "grabs me". The story, on a related note, seems also rather simplistic... Not enough character development, which means I don't make a connection with the characters (Assuming, as I said earlier, the focus is the story, and not so much the sex). Essentially... the whole building up of their relationship could have been fleshed out more, but it seemed like you wanted to get this done so you could proceed with finishing Kizuna 2.
So... yeah, to summarize: With the two points above, the art by itself during the sex scenes wasn't enough to get me off, and as there wasn't enough character development for me to connect with the characters, it didn't really do anything for me overall. Finally, the story seemed to take itself seriously, while if it didn't, many of these aspects wouldn't have been as jarring.
But hey, that's just me. If this is your first attempt at doing a full doujin, then it went pretty well.
For reference, as far as "professional doujin", I look at a fair amount of "Digital Lover's" doujin, specifically the DL Action series. I also happen to read a fair ammount of erotica on the Darknest erotica forums in the storyboard section.
Hope that helps! looking forward to your next attemp, and future Mob updates.
Mmmm, nice cameos from the Murakami Mob.
ReplyDeleteObviously that's why I mostly visit, however, giving your doujin a read... Not that I'm a real expert or anything, but I hope you don't mind some constructive criticism...
1.) Art style is decent, simple and gets the point across, but overall the sex scenes didn't really pop a boner for me.... And I think a big part of that is the art style. The art style you're using is great for doing emotions and telling a basic story... but for the sex scenes, it didn't do much for me.
But it depends on what your focus is... Art wise, if your focus is the story, it's fine. If your focus though is creating erotic, sexually stimulating scenes... the art isn't carrying that. However, as for the story...
2.) Dialogue/Story: I couldn't help but feel that the story and dialogue is rushed. The Dialogue is very simplistic, none of it really comes out and "grabs me". The story, on a related note, seems also rather simplistic... Not enough character development, which means I don't make a connection with the characters (Assuming, as I said earlier, the focus is the story, and not so much the sex). Essentially... the whole building up of their relationship could have been fleshed out more, but it seemed like you wanted to get this done so you could proceed with finishing Kizuna 2.
So... yeah, to summarize: With the two points above, the art by itself during the sex scenes wasn't enough to get me off, and as there wasn't enough character development for me to connect with the characters, it didn't really do anything for me overall. Finally, the story seemed to take itself seriously, while if it didn't, many of these aspects wouldn't have been as jarring.
But hey, that's just me. If this is your first attempt at doing a full doujin, then it went pretty well.
For reference, as far as "professional doujin", I look at a fair amount of "Digital Lover's" doujin, specifically the DL Action series. I also happen to read a fair ammount of erotica on the Darknest erotica forums in the storyboard section.
Hope that helps! looking forward to your next attemp, and future Mob updates.